Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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