and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
