Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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