hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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