i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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