dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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