I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
