I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
