I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
