your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
