it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
