He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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