he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
