I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The Olympian is in my bed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
