And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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