Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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