I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
