And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
