u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
