i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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