matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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