I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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