I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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