u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
