Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
