youre lurking in front of me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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