dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
