dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
