I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
