If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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