I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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