if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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