She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
