awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
