But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
