Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
