he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
