clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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