is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
