I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
bring money and cleavage
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
