I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
