Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
