ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
