She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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