i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
