hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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