i jhust puked up my retainher.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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