That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
