I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
