Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
