Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
