a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
