The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
