So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
