I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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