Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
